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listening to the flow of the guy who pees next to you in the bathroom, wondering if it has anything to do with the characteristics of his penis...

an excersize

when it comes to songs, and bands. i think there is general "good time" songs and "good" songs. we all know the songs that we love to sing and we can almost predict the chord structure and the word that is going to rhyme next. the beats are all the same because they are catchy and any guitarist knowing basic chords can write the rhythm. and writing a catchy song in it self is an art and is not easy. and then there is songs that don't follow the pattern, that make you anticipate something and then lead you a completely different way. songs that you don't understand but somehow you find they apply to you in some obscure way. and these are appreciated in different ways. i only wish more people appreciated when they felt uncomfortable, and when they were surprised, or when they hear something that is different than the songs they are used to hearing. becuase what is the excitement in a show full of good bands that all sound the same? it's a hard balance, becuase even i know when i'm driving in the supra with a bunch of guys, we are always going to be singing the cranberries at the top of our lungs, but when i'm in my room listening to my records i want to hear the droning pulsing beats of lightningbolt or the odd arrangements of man man. it all has it's place.

eat dick

we are all hipsters in our own right, i think. because the proclamation of not being a hipster will soon be hip. which is a funny cycle. think about it. who cares anyways?

(in)sanity

i learned
that all you learned in school
is all you know
and that you're better for it
because when i go to sleep
i don't seep at all
my brain won't shut off
it just keeps seeing the way you don't
i wasn't born that way
i just escaped

Satisfaction

We are always working towards something, (hopefully) usually a feeling of satisfaction or accomplishment. These moments truly only last for, well, a moment. Is there satisfaction in the process of achieving the goal or does it only exist as we accomplish it? Or does it even exist? I think the process is a huge part of actually achieving, and once it is over, something is gone. Like trying to land a trick down a set, once you land it, there is an immense feeling of awesomeness, and then it's like shit, what can i do now? Or sex, it's awesome and then it's over. Or like playing a show, or eating something, or making a painting ... the list goes on. the anticipation seems to be better then the feeling of accomplishment. we are stuck chasing forever but we need to keep doing it and not just sit on what we have done or else we are going to never be truly satisfied.

eat my shit

Marriage is for money, true love doesn't need the title.

Honest Ade

"It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously." - PeterUstinov

Policy

I've basically worked for two companies since i was first employed at age 16. Big Y supermarket and American Apparel. I lived in Boston and worked at American Apparel on Newbury street. I had a free time and wanted to earn some easy money, and mainly i wanted to be able to look like myself when i went to work. So a company that promoted individuality and self creativity seemed appropriate. I soon learned this was, simply put, a load of horse shit. Corporate employees would come in and force store employees to remove facial piercings and cover up arm tattoos. This seemed hypocritical to me seeing as the ten and a half foot wallpaper upon entering the store feature a model with a forearm tattoo. If only i could ask Dov Charney where the reasoning was behind these policies. But, at the time it didn't effect me so i didn't do much along the lines of complaining. A year later, the new policy at Big Y also requires tattoos to be covered. why suddenly after 70 years is this a problem? When big y was a single market next to a fork in the road, were employees forced to conceal their creativity, their indentity, and to be represented only by the name tag on their shirt? Now that it is a coporation, it has to conform it's employees. makes sense right? Are customers offended by tattoos? maybe if it is a swastica or jesus getting raped by a monster from where the wild things are. but generally i think not. So D' amours, when is the policy about fat lazy people working for your company going to come into place? becuase to me that is way less presentable than a tattoo. And i won't conform to your policies becuase i think these policies should apply to an employee's work ethic not what is on there skin. This is refined discrimination.

Friends

Andy's view of school represented in a photo

Death

death drives a modest black car
and changes his oil as often as us
and seems to park in the places
we never thought
we would be

Hygiene

the filthy rich are the filthy bored. the filthy kids have all the fun.

Repetition

I feel like i ave fallen into a comfortable repetition in my life as i periodically do. With things like school and work, wake up and do them and get on with everything else. Work doesn't even feel like work anymore, it is jsut a normal part of my week, and the paycheck on thursday doesn't eve connect with the hours that i put in. They seem like two seprate things that jsut happen everyweek. Along with going to school, i get up and go three days a week, i skip my last two classes at least one day a week becaue i want to go skate or do something. I am supposedly working towards something bigger, but it's like i'm wlaking down a street where the lights only turn on while you are under them so you have no idea what lies ahead. Breaking this routine is important i think, doing things that make you feel uncomfortable often can be more fun and break you out of the brainwashed state you are in. Like the money i have saved, i don't even know what the fuck i am saving it for, but i feel like i shouldn't spend it. And once i realize it is dumb i can finally have a good time and drive the longer drives and buy more burritos. If all we are saving up for is burritos, at least we got alot of different options.

Dulce et Decorum

It was brought up in my english class that soldiers " live the life". The good life. They are the only people who wake up with a purpose . They get to travel for free, live for free, and have structured daily lifestyle. This really pissed me off, as most things my thick headed english teacher says, (and repeats without knowing). Sure they have a purpose, but it is not their own, it is branded on them by someone else. Someone who they might not even agree with. And the travel? I'm sure it is great, but i'm also sure that if given the choice, the kids in my class would not be going to Afganistan in june. There are so many of us that wake up everyday wtih a purpose, all of us do we probably just don't always realize it. Just because we are trying to send messages through pictures and songs doesn't mean we are less will driven people than the tough guys holding the guns. We make our our goals and we carry them out ourselves, and the people that try and tell us what to do, we tell them to eat shit. I have been many places, seen many things, and met many people. I was there playing my drums or riding my skateboard. I was sleeping on beaches, in parking lots, and in basements. My hair was dirty and long. I was not holding a firearm standing up straight taking orders from someone who's only qualification might be that he has a loud voice.

matt horak

sessioning with matt horak

Rhythm

I attend classes at Springfield Technical Community College three days a week. The diversity in the school is well balanced but the concept of family that is portrayed within the black students is awesome. Every black kid that walks into a classroom with other black kid immediately slaps hands with them and says "what's good?" and if he can't reach you by hand he just points. Us white kids just walk into class with our heads down, sit and sulk. Well this isn't true for all of us but seriously we see these people almost everyday we should all be more friendly. Check it out next time you're going to class.

Reflections

the only way most of us see ourselves, is through mirrors and photographs. To see yourself through someone's eyes for a day would be the one of the most interesting and possibly the most terrifying experience anyone could have. Mirrors. Hold up your right hand facing the mirror. And it is your right hand but if you were facing in the direction of the figure in the mirror it would be your left. It is almost as if we are a print on a translucent piece of paper and someone is holding a giant light behind us, or as if we were a vivid cut out of a giant rubber stamp. Same concept. I think most people don't realize how afraid of mirrors they actually are. A hypocritical object that reflects how we really appear, but not quite. Ever see a photograph and think " is that what i look like?" maybe you have looked in the mirror too much. And the mirror usually ends up showing you what you want to see. because looking in a mirror is like a collection of moments that liquidate into a "reversed" version of the pose you carefully choose. And whether this is a conscious collection of moments or an unconscious glance on the way out the door, it is all the same. People don't like photographs alot of the time because it doesn't show them how they want to see themselves but how they are actually existing that very moment. A photograph is a moment captured onto film as it is passing through the eye of someone else. someone who doesn't know how you want to be viewed but is simply just viewing you as you are. And so many people disagree with photographs but only because they are scared of seeing themselves as they really are. I think everyone needs to be aware of who they are and not fear it for the simple reason that you cannot change it. If anything fear your mirror. It lies right to your face everyday.

Function the Legend.

Everyone thinks that they got best friends. And i'm sure you do. I got a best friend i got a lot actually. We all skated together and hung out everyday slept and showered together and did a lot of other weird stuff together too. Sometimes now we don't see each other that often but it's okay because we all always know that function still exists. When i was kicked out of my house for thanksgiving Andy took me in and i ate dinner with his family. Any day i needed a place to stay he and his family were always there. and then about two months ago my little brother got kicked out of the house and Andy took him in too. And then today, when my little brother got punched in the face four times on the way into school Andy had his back. And at lunch time he pulled the kid out of his seat and punched his face until the back of his head must have felt like it was part of the floor. He brought true meaning to the corny line from movies " you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us". Function is still there even for those who don't expect it. And especially for those who expect to push around the weird kids with tight pants and knotty hair.

Antonym Success

Failure is the monster placed under out bed when we were young. Since the story that educated us of the fear of something we couldn't see in the dark, we are scared to get out of bed. Some of us will end up staying there forever. The rest of us will pursue this beast and fail until we are acquainted with it's very being. Eventually we wrestle it to the floor because failure has taught us to succeed and we have overcome our fears. Instead of seeking the safety of the nine to five, we daydream through our day jobs, and spend our nights trying to lasso the headless horse that is our goals.

Entertainment

Everything we do, started with an education. Somewhere someone decided to try and understand the world around them more and helped others understand too. This has been passed down to the very advanced society we live in today. And teachers power the young minds of the world. Charge them until they have enough battery power to bring them wherever they want to go. But, as many things, this is overlooked. And somehow, the factory that spits out the people that make the clocks keep ticking is paid in dirt. Teachers scrape by with average salaries of maybe $40-50,000 a year while a minimum salary of a major league baseball player is about $390,000. In 1930 during the Great Depression, Babe Ruth was making more than our teachers make today,$80,000. And last year during our countries most recent major recession, Alex Rodriguez had reached a total career salary of almost $200,000,000. But it's entertainment. and entertainment is value. Where am i going with this? Well if you are someone who doesn't give a shit about teachers and loves baseball, then how many of you baseball fans listen to music? How many of you pay for it? How many of you have downloaded baseball tickets from limewire? I'm sure if you could you would. And like us musicians, baseball players would not be able to make money anymore. And do you think they would keep playing baseball for you for free? No. they would all quit and complain about how they will not be able to be more financially secure than they already are. But musicians, no matter if we play for local friends amounting to a few legion hall shows a month or if we play for hundreds of people around the country/world a month, would rather be poor, dirty, and starving than ever stop doing what we love. So consider your ability to read and write, and consider the songs that play through your car stereo, your ipod, your computer, and your dad's record player that get you through everyday. What would you do without these things? What would you do without baseball?

An Allegory

The allegory of the cave is Plato's take on humans in society. People and how we generally live. There is reality, which is what we know. But what do we know? only what we are told or have seen. Simple Plain life things like stairs for walking up and down, benches for sitting on, and pots for cooking with. Anything you can think of. Well if you ask me Plato himself is chained into the very cave that he created doomed to only see the shadows of what lies behind him. Because he failed to see the creative people that challenge reality everyday. Give us a marker and instead of questioning it and putting it in our pocket, we start drawing on your walls. We'll look at your stair set and ollie down it. We see your bench and we put wax on the edge to grind across it. We crush pennies under your trains and make them into necklaces. We are the kids that tap their pencils and feet while taking a test because the music in our brains is more important than the "reality" of the curriculum. and maybe we don't realize it but our brains don't shut off. not even when we want them too, and if you can't sleep at night becuase all you can think about is the monsters that you're going to draw on the bathroom stall while talking your morning dump st school, then embrace it.

Eventually

There is a line between adults and kids. You see it everyday, the difference between them. I will never cross this line. None of us expect to. I wonder if we ever feel bigger and older, or if the people younger than us just keep getting yonger as they are born. It's like, when does a kid start kicking out skateboarders from in front of their stores? When do they start forgetting what it is like to care more about reeking havoc than going to work? Maybe we work to live, to retire, and to be happy eventually. We shouldn't get tattoos because eventually we might regret it. We struggle through math class because eventually we might use it. Well fuck eventually. What about right now? What about eventually we might be looking back on our life? and eventually what will we have besides memories of when we were planning for eventually? So for today, spend your hard earned money for the things you want: eat out, get tattoos, drive far away, take a train, anything. stomp and scream in the street with your friends. Becuase holding back is the first step into crossing the line. The first step into kicking out "who you used to be" from skating the stairset in from of your store.